You Think I’d Crumble . . . That’s Me in the Corner

With Holy Week coming and nearly constant news about Gaza, I have been thinking about my one trip to Israel. It was a couple decades ago, and it was an an unusual junket—all expenses paid to study terrorism from an Israeli perspective. My reactions were all over the map.

As a kid, shekels was a slang term for money, but now I was buying chewing gum with that decidedly non-biblical currency. Back then I had often looked at the pictures and maps in my Thomas Nelson Revised Standard Version Bible during the boring parts of church, but only when I went to Israel, did I realize how small the country is.  (Bethlehem is six miles from Jerusalem.)  More than once on the trip, I was told that Israel is about the same size as New Jersey.  (Is there any other way that New Jersey is like the Holy Land?)

Of course, especially on this trip, there were constant reminders of terrorism—the disco across from our Tel Aviv hotel where partygoers were bombed waiting to enter; the Gaza checkpoint where soldiers had been killed; the meeting with the man disfigured by an incendiary device tossed into his car. These reminders of terrorism made it hard to remember that someone in Israel is more likely to be killed in a car accident than by a terrorist and that per capita more people are killed by guns in America than by terrorists in Israel even though guns are everywhere in Israel.  Soldiers carrying guns are a common sight.  (My favorite—a soldier in sandals carrying a gun slung over one shoulder and the biggest, reddest purse I’d ever seen balancing on her other side.)

One image of Israel: security, security, security.  Searches to get into the hotel; lengthy interrogations and more to get into the Knesset.  Sometimes I wondered about the efficacy of these measures.  The first time I went to a Czech restaurant the guard controlling admission did a cursory search. The second time, he simply said, “Have you got a gun?”  I said no and was nodded in.  Would a terrorist tell him he had a gun?  By the third day at the hotel, our group was generally waved around the security check point.  Does that mean a terrorist committed to staying at the hotel for at least three days could then avoid security?  Or is it that I and the rest of the group did not look Palestinian? 

My northern European looks did not stop El Al from subjecting me to rigorous scrutiny.  Going I was pulled aside from the other passengers, interrogated, and my suitcase thoroughly, I say thoroughly, inspected.  Returning it happened again, but then I had a touch of turista, and the experience seemed to take even longer.  I did get on the plane even though I had fudged the truth.  On the day of departure, it was market day near the hotel.  I went to poke around and ended up buying some gifts of Dead Sea mud and some bee products.  I did not give much thought about these casual purchases until I was asked at the airport whether my items came from the stall in the market, or whether the seller had gone into the back to get the facial mask and pollen rejuvenator.  Sick I may have been, but the mind quickly decided the right answer for getting on board—I picked them off the shelf, handed them to the proprietor, and then paid for them.  Everything was in my sight.  But as soon as I said that I was not absolutely sure that I really knew how the transaction went.  Wanting to get home, I did not voice this little doubt.  I was a bit nervous on most of the flight home.

We were exposed to many intriguing people—terrorism experts in academic institutions; drone pilots; agents who were incredible marksmen and, as indicated by a film of an actual incident, could snatch a suspected terrorist off the street, throw him in a van, and drive off in a matter of seconds.  Perhaps most striking was the professional interrogator for one of the intelligence agencies.  He entered the room, and his bearing, his aura, was such that I would have told him anything he asked me.  He maintained that a professional interrogator almost never needed to use physical force, implying that Americans did not have professional interrogators, but he also went on to discuss whether shaking a subject should be considered torture.

I also saw more usual tourist sights—the cars haphazardly parked; the Tel Aviv waterfront; Caesarea being set for a beautiful evening, seaside wedding reception; the I-would-not-believe-it-if-I-had-not-seen-it rest stop in homage to the King, not David or Solomon, but Elvis Presley.

We spent a few hours touring Jerusalem.  Our guide impressed me when, for reasons no longer remembered, he talked about the obverse of a coin.  Note, not the obverse side of a coin, which would have been incorrect. I was unsure if I had ever heard a native English speaker use obverse, and my admiration increased when I found out he was certified to give tours in many languages in addition to English.  He took us in and out of many religious places, and of course, it was important to remember whether the place was Jewish, Catholic, Orthodox, Coptic, or Muslim in order to put a hat on or take it off.   I think the Upper Room was pointed out, but then another place was said to be perhaps the site of the Last Supper.  Mary’s burial place was there, but, then again, a location in Turkey is venerated as the place where her Assumption took place, and of course, it is not clear to Assumption believers whether she actually died. (And I think that some believe she died in India.)

We passed stations of the cross and the crucifixion and burial places.  I wondered how people could be so sure that these were the right locations and why there was no marker for the doorway where the Wandering Jew refused aid.  Perhaps these doubts about authenticity led me to blasphemous thoughts.  I was told to plunge my arm through a hole so that I could feel the rock on which the True Cross stood.  As I did, my mind returned to the sixth grade Halloween parties where, blindfolded, we put our hands into bowls of grapes and spaghetti and told we were feeling eyeballs and guts.  Of course, many of these now revered sites were “authenticated” centuries after the events by, I believe, Constantine’s mother, who also collected many relics, perhaps the relics that Mark Twain later saw, and amusingly mocked, in his travels to the Continent and the Holy Land.  Even if they are in the places where the events happened, I wondered why they are regarded as holy sites.  If a religion is universal, then no place could be more sacred than another.

But the most striking part of the Jerusalem trip was its beginning and end. Before we entered, the obverse-coin guide brought us to a place that overlooked Jerusalem. He pointed out things in the old city; where Bethlehem was and is; the Palestinian-controlled territory; the wall marking the boundary (although Israelis called it a fence, not a wall); and the mural-painted wall (this was called a wall) behind us, which prevented Palestinians down below from shooting into Israeli apartments up above.

Our location was a parking lot, and a nearby food van was, like many other Israeli places, playing old American rock and roll.  The third song I noticed was Gloria Gaynor’s I Will Survive.  I almost laughed at the remarkable fortuity.  I know that the song is about a woman’s strength in rejecting a lover who walked out, but what better chorus could there be as I looked out over Israel and Jerusalem than I WILL SURVIVE.

During this trip because of the sensitive places we visited—military and intelligence facilities—we were accompanied by heavily armed, young men, and in Jerusalem I fell into step with such an escort. A few moments later, some men rounded a corner shouting and elbowing others aside.  I asked the escort, born and raised in Israel, what that was about, and he replied, “Just some Arabs showing off.”  He and I exited the old city together, and I was visually assaulted by a row of tacky tourist shops.  American rock and roll came from them, too, and the first song I heard outside the old city was R.E.M.’s Losing My Religion.  I smiled and said to the escort, “That doesn’t seem right for Jerusalem.”  He stopped, paused a beat, and thoughtfully said, “I think that is the only way.”

Is that right?  Can there only be peace if we lose our religion?

Snippets

Hey, DOGE, a suggestion for you. A news report said that Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth has government housing. We taxpayers are on the hook for a $49,000 paint job and six figures for renovations. Why? Hegseth has a salary of $235,000, almost three times the median household income in this country. People making as much as Hegseth are responsible for their own housing. Why shouldn’t government workers be, too? DOGE, get an executive order selling off all that housing. How much could we save?

Part of the renovations are apparently for secure information facilities. What? I thought Hegseth was adamant about not working remotely. I assume that he has secure facilities at his office. Is he planning to work at home instead of the office?

Along the same lines, DOGE. How many government workers have a car and driver? We ordinary taxpayers, even if we make $235,000, have to handle our own commutes. Why are government workers better than we are? How much can be saved by jettisoning the cars and drivers? (And do those who have a car and driver pay income tax on the value of that service?)

A wise person said: “There should be a happy medium between government running private business and private business running the government.”

I assumed it was on old sign that read: “Full Service Unisex Hair Care.” Hasn’t Trump outlawed all unisex activities?

We do have savings as the administration follows Mark Twain, who said, “Truth is such a precious article let us all economize in its use.”

I could never be a birder if you have to be able to say “blue-footed booby” without suppressing a smirk or a chuckle. Or “tufted titmouse.”

With all the brouhaha over that gulf, I wonder: Do the French call it the English Channel?

Before going to sleep, I always walk slowly backwards around my bed three times. I do this because it keeps the polar bears away. I know this works because I have never had a nighttime ursine invasion. Some of Trump’s executive orders remind me of my ritual. For example, one EO forbids undocumented aliens from receiving federal benefits. However, before the recent order, the undocumented did not qualify for any such funding, and nothing indicates that the migrants have gotten anything substantial from fraud. In other words, before the order, no federal benefits for the undocumented, and after the order, no benefits for the undocumented. Even so, I expect that the success of the order will be touted. Another example: Trump flamboyantly signed an executive order to end Covid vaccine mandates in public K-12 schools. However, schools do not now have such mandates. I still expect the fanfaronade about the order’s success. And still my slow backward walk has kept the polar bears out of my bedroom. However, I am searching for a way to bring giant pandas in to snuggle up with at night.

Every year—well, three out of four years—I purge and fast on February 29, 30, and 31.

Snippets–Inaugural Edition

The inauguration was moved indoors because of extremely cold weather. What is your joke on hell freezing over?

Does this have any relevance today? “One left an encounter with Winston certain that Winston was the most interesting person alive; when one left a meeting with [Lloyd George] one convinced oneself of being the most interesting person alive.”David Reynolds, Mirrors of Greatness: Churchill and the Leaders Who Shaped Him.

I wonder if RFK, Jr., has been like me and thought that bacteria is the rear entrance to a cafeteria.

At least as defined by Mark Twain, the new president does not have good breeding, which Twain said “consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.”

I am frequently struck by Trump railing about a problem that he considers caused by Biden when the problem also existed during Trump’s first term. But as a wise man said, “Among the things that enable a person to be self-satisfied is a poor memory.”

Now that Elon is on the scene, I wonder if what Abraham Riesman wrote in RingMaster: Vince McMahon and the Unmaking of America continues to be true. Reisman said that Vince McMahon may be Trump’s closest friend. McMahon “is said to be one of the only people whose call Trump takes in private, forcing his retinue to leave the room so the two old chums can chat in confidence.” Trump is a member of McMahon’s wrestling Hall of Fame. Will Elon enjoy the same access?

This is not just inauguration day; it is also the day to honor Martin Luther King, Jr. There must be a site somewhere where I can bet how many times, if any, Trump mentions MLK today. We tend to think that King gave his great “I Have a Dream” speech at the March on Washington on August 28, 1963, but the complete name of the rally was the March on Washinton for Jobs and Freedom. Six decades later, the demands of that day are still incompletely met. For example, the March was asking that the Fair Labor Standards Act cover agricultural workers. That act still only partly encompasses those who till and pick our food. The rally also sought to increase the minimum wage to $2 an hour. We fall woefully short of that today. Two dollars in 1963 is the equivalent of about $20 today, and the federal minimum wage is currently $7.25 an hour. The minimum wage was $1.25 in 1963, which would be about $13 today. We would honor King if we at least thought about how we treat the working poor. (And we should remember that when King was murdered, he was in Memphis to lend support to a sanitation workers’ strike that aimed to change some of their horrendous working conditions.)

I am anything but a Trump supporter. I think many of his policies will do harm to this country, but I hope that I am wrong. Although not expecting it, I wish him success. There is much in this country that could use improvement. I could make my list. You, no doubt, could make yours. But instead, I give you what David Leonhardt said in Ours Was the Shining Future: The Story of the American Dream (2023):

“We live in the only high-income country that does not provide parents with paid leave. We live in one of the stingiest countries for daycare, preschool, and the resources devoted to children. A typical thirty-year-old man is not much more educated than his parents were. The United States remains the only rich country without universal health care insurance. American women are more likely to die in childbirth than women in many other countries. American babies are more likely to die, too. Income inequality is higher than in Western Europe, Canada, Japan, South Kores, or Australia. Almost two million Americans wake up each day in a prison or jail. Our children consider it normal to spend time at school preparing for a mass shooting. Our opioid death rate leads the world. Our roads are more dangerous than in other affluent countries, which was not true only a few decades ago. In 1980, life expectancy in the United States was similar to that in other high-income countries. We have become a grim outlier.”

Snippets . . . PTD Edition

My experience last year made me think about death in a different way. I briefly blacked out and collapsed in a shopping center hallway where nice people helped me. When I looked back at the episode as a near-death experience, I thought it would be embarrassing to have my obit say, “He collapsed and died in the Atlantic Street mall outside a Marshall’s.” I did not know where I wanted to die, but it wasn’t there. Since then the spouse and I have looked at many continuing care retirement communities, or as I call each of them, a Place To Die. Both the spouse and I have posted about these travels on this blog, but our search has now ended. We have signed a contract and put a down payment to enter a CCRC in suburban New York. I have a PTD. Of course, we must now downsize and sell our Brooklyn house where we have lived for 45 years. But, I am confident that the move will come by the end of the year. I hope that it gives some interesting, perhaps amusing, blog fare.

“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.” Mel Brooks.

“Only the young die good.” Ethel Watts Mumford.

“Dying’s not so bad. At least I won’t have to answer the telephone.” Rita Mae Brown.

“The type of man who will end up dying in his own arms.” Mamie van Doren on Warren Beatty.

“My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands. Two of them were just napping.” Rita Rudner.

“God was very good to the world. He took her from us.” Bette Davis on Miriam Hopkins.

“If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.” Erma Bombeck.

“It is fine to speak well of the dead, but what shall we do with those who are dead and don’t know it?” Unknown.

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” Anonymous.

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.” Mark Twain.

I told the spouse that I wanted to be cremated. She said, “When?”

“In the words of a Fula proverb: ‘Until a man is dead, he is not yet done being created.’” David Diop, At Night All Blood is Black.

Snippets

Let the people decide. That is the phrase I have heard from various right wingers after Trump’s latest indictment. The next election should settle his fate. That could, of course, be said every time an office holder is charged with a crime, something that happens many times each year. For good reasons, however, the determination of whether a person has committed a charged crime is not decided by an election. The people do decide, but they are the ones plucked from the stream of humanity to be jurors. That is our legal system, one embedded in the Constitution and our history.

          I know that those who proclaim “Let the people decide” do not believe in or understand the rule of law, but I wonder if they are foolish, are ignorant, have no memory, are hypocrites, or are simply trying to be funny. (Probably not the latter; I have noticed that right wingers rarely have a good sense of humor.) The indictment was handed up precisely because Trump was unwilling to let the people decide. The people voted in 2020 and decided decisively against him. There is no reason to believe that if he is on the ballot in 2024 and he loses that he will accept the people’s decision. Recent history shows that he won’t.

I love my small car. It is the right vehicle for parking on the streets of New York City. It can sometimes be parked where few other cars can. When either the spouse or I maneuver into such a tight place we proudly announce to the other, “I fit the Fit into a Fit spot.” Street parking is especially hard in Manhattan where the spouse recently had a doctor’s appointment. I found a small, but tempting opening at the curb and stopped to back in. A big truck waited behind me. I parked the Honda Fit on the first try with eight inches to spare in front and six inches behind. I heard honking. The truck had pulled up alongside me. The driver opened his window, smiled, stuck his hands out, and applauded. I smiled and waved. I was too late to yell out that I had gotten into tighter spots, but at my age it was nice to be acknowledged for a dexterous feat, even a mundane one.

Owning old houses, I have been through many renovations and repairs. I have learned that whenever a worker starts a job, if he did not do the previous work, he will tell me whoever did it before did not do it properly.

A mystery of life: I went to the new dollar store. And spent $78.76.

I have heard that you should live every day like it is your last. Hogwash. If l did that, I would never have clean clothes. On the last day of my life, I am not doing the laundry. Or the dishes.

“Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.” Mark Twain.

My latest diet that I am sure will work: I can eat anything I want, but I must eat naked in front of a full-length mirror.

“I am still looking for a man who could excite me as much as a baked potato.” Laura Flynn McCarthy.

“Never eat more than you can lift.” Miss Piggy.

Gouda, Roquefort, and cheddar make a fromage à trois.

Snippets

A news source reported that TikTok influencers have taken up pasta salads. I remember a generation or two ago when cold pasta, veggies, and cheese were the rage. They were a novelty, something different. But no matter how many I sampled, they all were, in what is not too much of an exaggeration, an abomination to good taste. Perhaps they are better now. Or perhaps a new generation will eventually learn what I did decades ago.

One of the best things many people could do for their descendants would be to sharply limit the number of them.

A wise person said, “People who boast of their ancestors confess that they belong to a family that is better dead than alive.”

The hottest new parlor game. Everyone gets a slip of paper and a pencil. Everyone secretly makes up a name for a new drug. (In an advanced version, the letter “X” cannot be used.) The slips are folded and tossed into a bowl. Each participant draws out a slip and then makes up a disease the new drug treats. Both the name of the drug and the disease are scored by all.

“Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.” Mark Twain.

Has Donald Trump ever blushed?

Down the road, but I am glad to say 250 miles down the road, a manhunt was on for a man who escaped from jail. A news report said that the escapee was a “self-taught survivalist.” Are there community colleges or technical colleges or other institutions that teach survivalism?

I was convinced that the spouse’s hearing was slipping. I stood ten feet behind her and whispered, “Honey, can you hear me?” Nothing. A few steps closer, I repeated, “Dear, can you hear me?” Again nothing. I went right behind her and whispered in her ear, “Honey, can you hear me?” With irritation, she snapped, “For the third time, yes!”

I have learned how to have the last word with the spouse. I say, “Yes, dear.”

I didn’t know what to eat for breakfast, but luckily my canary flew into the electric fan. I had shredded tweet.

I asked my doctor if I really needed to give up wine, women, and song. No, he said. Sing as much as you like.

My friend was teaching his son right from left. When Harold picked up the dropped car keys, he asked, “Luther, what hand did I use?” The confident reply; “The left.” With an exasperated tone: “Luther, you know better than that. It was my right hand.” With an even more exasperated tone: “Dad, I know my right hand from my left. Why do I need to know yours?”

“I have never been hurt by anything I didn’t say.” Calvin Coolidge.

“There is often a sin of omission as well as of commission.” Marcus Aurelius.