Whenever I go through the TV dial and find music I know and like, it is PBS fundraising. Or TimeLife doing an infomercial.

I received for Christmas a specially-made T shirt I had requested. It reads: “TRUMP. HIS MOTHER DID NOT HAVE HIM TESTED.”

I recently met a couple.  He was six feet ten.  She was shy of five feet even.  What questions would you have liked to ask?

As I walked to the subway, I heard a street person in a doorway say to no one in particular, “Did you see that old couple who just walked by?  They did it.”

Is it true that there will be an exemption from the travel ban for any adult whose hands are smaller than the President’s?

I was surprised to learn how many countries there are in Africa.

The President pronounces something “great.” He pauses and then repeats “great.” He pauses yet again. His mind seems to be searching, but at best “tremendous” or “huge” or “tremendously great” comes out. Should we be concerned that Donald Trump has chronic lethologica?

When I arrived in New York City years ago, I almost never attended a performance of any kind that received a standing ovation. Now they occur routinely. And, thus, our standards decline.

I was walking east. I could see a half-block away a well-dressed, attractive, thirtyish woman standing next to a nice, parked SUV. She was waving a piece of paper. As I got closer, I could see that it was the tell-tale orange of a parking ticket. She was talking to a man. I could tell that he had written the ticket. As I got even closer, I expected to hear her agitated tones saying something like, “I was just a minute late.” Instead, I saw him nod and her smile. She moved to stand beside him. With her right hand, she held the ticket between them. With her left, she took a selfie.

Pleasuring yourself.  Self-abuse.  How can these mean the same thing?

I try to be good because I believe that in hell I will be trapped on a stalled elevator with a banjo player.

“People from downstate have so much money they buy their kids brand-new cars.”  Jim Harrison, The English Major.

My friend Stan told me that he was at a party and introduced himself to Dave.  The conversation followed the usual course, and Stan asked where Dave lived.  Dave replied that he lived on Park Avenue in Manhattan.  Stan started to make appreciative and envious sounds when Dave continued, “But not in one of the best buildings.”

Why do we say something is “affordable?”  Isn’t anything bought, leased, rented, or bartered “affordable” for the one who got it?  And isn’t almost anything, no matter how “affordable,” not affordable for many?

My friend worked for Nokia. She liked the work except for the trips to the headquarters in Finland, even though it amused her that Helsinki was the only place where she saw women with blonde roots.