We have instruction for just about everything. We have math tutors and dance instructors; we have sports coaches and voice coaches; we have yoga instructors and meditation leaders; we have workshops for writing and networking. But I am not a good spitter. Who is there to teach me?

Ken Burns is a remarkable filmmaker. He has made outstanding documentaries on a wide range of topics—the Vietnam War, baseball, the Roosevelts, national parks, and now, country music—and yet he can make all these topics feel the same.

When a girl has her first period, she is often congratulated by being told that she has become a woman. Does anyone do anything comparable when a boy has his first nocturnal emission?

Maybe you already knew this, but I just learned that Mark Twain was born in Florida.

I often don’t know who has made my life easier. For example, for much of my life I had trouble finding the beginning of a newly installed roll of toilet paper. I would spin hoping for the end to come loose. Failing that, I clawed at it with fingernails. But then someone learned to make the toilet paper roll with a little hanging flap to start the unraveling. Much better. Who was that person?

A reason I am not a conservative: Religion is more than just about abortion, what sex you love, public prayers and Bible readings, or having the capital of Israel in Jerusalem.

When say “Needless to say,” why do they go on speaking?

Why is a fart funny? Is that true in all cultures?

Why is it called the War of 1812? Of course, the answer is because that is when it started, but we don’t label our other wars by the inception of the hostilities. And while it was going on, what was the War of 1812 called? Perhaps by 1813 it was the War of 1812, but what was the Seven Years War called during those seven years?

I am Donald J. Trump.

I never admit a slump.

My cheeks are pink, my hair is set.

My gift to you: A massive debt.

“The best books, he perceived, are those that tell you what you knew already.” George Orwell, 1984.