A show on a weather channel is titled, “Why Planes Crash.” The answer should always be the same: Gravity.

The label boldly stated, This Product Has Not Been Tested on Animals. Does that indicate that it has been tested on humans or that it has not been tested at all?

The headline on a news feed said, “Most Satisfying Veggie Sandwiches.” I know that the answer always is, The One I Give to Someone Else.

The spouse does not like I Love Lucy because episodes are often based on some silly, farfetched mistake or disguise that should have been easily recognized. The spouse, however, goes to Shakespeare whose plays often feature some silly, farfetched mistake or disguise that should have been easily recognized.

According to a footnote in The Piltdown Forgery by J.S. Weiner, Science Service, (a Washington, D.C. publication) reported in June 1954 that “when the Piltdown hoax was exposed at the meeting of the Geological Society of London in November 1953, it precipitated a violent discussion. . . . The meeting soon broke up into a series of fish-fights (sic). The fracas resulted in the expulsion of several members.” I began to wonder. Was there a buffet table with a selection of fish? Poached salmon does not seem to be a good weapon but a whole haddock might be. Did anyone run to the kitchen to get an uncooked cod that might have done serious damage when it was whacked across the cheek of an opponent? Was anyone in formal dress or wearing a monocle? Were there any marvelous mustaches the ended up with flakes of fillets in them? Perhaps there was a woman or two. Did they participate or suffer collateral damage? I conjured up images that should have been in a Marx Brothers movie or a Three Stooges short, but, of course, I realized that this was probably only a delightful typo. (But still a surprising one, since I was reading the fiftieth anniversary issue that contained a new introduction and afterword.) My delight was also dashed because the author of the book was one of the authoritative exposers of the fraud at the November 1953 meeting, and he stated that “it will be as well to deny categorically” the Science Service report. “There was in fact no general discussion and no disturbance of any kind at any of the meetings at which Piltdown was discussed.” Damn.

I am fascinated by the fact that China, although stretching about 3,000 miles from east to west, has only one official time zone. Solar noon is the point in the day when the sun is highest in the sky, and solar noon in Beijing is about noon on the official Chinese clocks. Beijing is in the eastern part of China. In the western part of China, solar noon can be as much as three hours later than the clock reading, which also means that sun rises and sets three hours later than it does in Beijing.

I also wonder if there are palindromes in Chinese. Also: Do geese see God? Was he able ere he saw Elba?

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